Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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