i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
