i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
do herpes really smell.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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