so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
