just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
