It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
