Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
