You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
