btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
