So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
