When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
