Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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