we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
