I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
