I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
