I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
