I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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