Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
