why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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