i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
