okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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