There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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