I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
