Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Shame - the story of my life.
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