I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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