wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
