He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's always time for handjobs
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
