If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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