Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
