We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
