If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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