you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
