they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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