put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
