jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
