sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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