What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
