how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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