When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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