Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
