I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
