im about as happy as oj after his trial
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
