im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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