it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
