her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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