why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
