just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
