Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
