Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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