you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
