her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
