i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
