im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
