so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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